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This article was first published business insider.
“I hope we can put the past behind us and work together without any problems,” my ex-boyfriend Austin (not his real name) said, peering into my office.
When I spoke to him for the first time after six months of silent treatment, I was shocked and upset. But it didn’t just happen. I understand why he is here.
Early that morning, we received a note from the owner of the publishing company where we both worked, informing us that Austin had been promoted to editor-in-chief of the magazine for which I proofread and wrote.
This meant that my ex-boyfriend was now my boss.
Friendship turned into cheating
Austin and I became friends a few months after I started working at the company. Although we didn’t work together directly, we did interact from time to time. He made me feel very comfortable every time we met.
He had big, kind eyes, and his brow furrowed as if he were constantly surprised by the intensity of the world. But he wasn’t shy. He was the type of person who never met people he didn’t know. He has an air of open-mindedness and even while he initially joked about office matters, it felt like we had been friends for a very long time. He struck me as incredibly intelligent, and I began to feel attracted to him.
This was in the 90s, before many workplaces adopted strict rules.Office dating is prohibited“Policy. But I knew that even back then.” Dating a colleague was a bad idea. There’s a saying: “Don’t get honey where you get money.” What would the rest of the office think? Was I the type of woman who slept with the guys in the office?
Logic tells me to suppress my emotions, but Eros is strong. I foolishly ignored my instincts and fell in love with Austin.
One day, I was invited to lunch with some people from the office, and when I arrived at the cafe, Austin was there. I sat next to him and we chatted some more. Eventually, it became normal for us to eat together and make out all the time.
In many ways he was perfect for me. We worked in the same industry and had similar aspirations. We were both creatively inclined and had similar tastes in movies and books. We always had fun talking together.
One night, sexual tension What had been built between us spilled out. We were both in the office late, so he came into my office to say hello. Taking a break from our respective projects, we sat together on the couch in my office. The energy between us was palpable. I fell into his arms and he kissed me.
Keep office romance a secret
Then it became an item.
My company wasn’t like that. Forbid co-workers from dating Both of us already felt that our play with each other was taboo, so we tried to keep it a secret. We pretended we weren’t spending the night together and made sure to arrive at work separately in the morning.
But then we spent lunch in his office, and then I came out with disheveled clothes and unkempt hair. Obviously, we didn’t just eat in his office, and the forbidden aspect of our relationship made it even more intoxicating.
There is no doubt that we are a source of much information. office gossip, but I didn’t care at that point. I was obsessed with Austin.
In retrospect, the smartest move both of us could have made was to take a job at another company. But neither of us did, and things got very uncomfortable when we finally broke up.
relationship deteriorated
It’s hard to remember exactly how it happened, but like many couples, we drifted apart.
After a year of dating, we started arguing because we were together so much. We worked together all day and spent evenings and weekends together. We never took a break from each other.
Being together all the time created a bond between us, but it also canceled that bond.
One night we got into an argument. I can’t even remember what we were fighting about, but I thought we would make up afterward like we always do. Nothing could have prepared me for Austin when he said this to me. I wanted to end things. I begged him to reconsider, but he said it was over.
I was devastated. But more than that, I felt embarrassed. It was embarrassing to have to see him every day even though he dumped me.
When I was hurt by a man in the past, I was able to lick my wounds in secret. This time I needed a space, but I couldn’t find one.
The next afternoon at work I slammed the office door when I heard him talking to another employee nearby. I was hurt and out of control. If my co-workers had suspected that we were dating, they definitely would have known that we were no longer together.
It wasn’t just that he rejected me. Our friendship is also over. No more having lunch together or joking around in the office. All I could do was avoid him to alleviate my own pain.
From then on, I stopped talking to him, looked away coldly every time we passed each other in the hallway, and he in turn started pretending I didn’t exist.
you can’t ignore him anymore
Things went on like this for about six months until I got the memo that Austin was now my boss, and I was in a mess. As a new boss, I have no choice but to talk to him.
When Austin stood at my door after a year of ignoring each other, I wondered how to react. Can I forget the past now that he is my boss?
It was easy because he broke up with me. He was not one to have a bruised ego when his co-workers inevitably found out he had dumped me.
“No,” I said.
Looking back on it now, I can’t believe I reacted that way. As it turned out, Austin had the power to fire me. Fortunately, he didn’t. He left, and I desperately tried to think of another way to deal with this predicament.
I asked to be moved to another magazine. This was not an impossible request, as the company we worked for published a variety of magazines. When I met with senior management, I did not tell them why I wanted to transfer. A few days later, I was given a new assignment and Austin was no longer my boss.
I can’t believe how unprofessional I was.
I can’t say I handled our breakup maturely enough. I was in my mid-twenties and at the time wasn’t the most evolved human being. I’m 53 years old now, and I’m appalled at how unprofessional I was.
I know how easy it is to be blindsided by my own emotions, and I understand why it’s so common for companies to have strict policies against romantic relationships in the workplace.
Still, a 2023 study found that Human Resource Management Society We found that 27% of respondents, all U.S. workers, have had a romantic relationship at work. 40% said they had cheated on a coworker, and younger Millennials and their Gen Z workers were 33% more likely to say they were open to having an affair with a coworker. Office date than the older generation.
I find these statistics shocking because I know now how difficult it is to deal with something that doesn’t work out with a co-worker you have feelings for.
In the same survey, nearly 20% of respondents said workplace romance They said it had a negative impact on their careers. I would never recommend dating a co-worker, given the potential for sexual harassment allegations. Dating a coworker, even if you work in a different department, opens up a Pandora’s box of emotions that can be difficult to deal with professionally.
I left my job about a year after Austin got promoted, and I haven’t had a romance at work since then. That experience didn’t negatively impact my career, but it did impact how people at that company viewed me. I lost respect from my co-workers, and that’s a feeling I never want to feel again. I learned my lesson.
lara starling I’m a writer who lives in Los Angeles with my husband and two children.