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We were attending our daughter’s dance recital when we learned the news that would change our lives. Her husband Harry had cancer.
Harry and I met in Germany when I had just turned 30. I moved to Germany for work and fell in love with him from the first day I met him. He had a contagious smile and a way of living life that valued the small moments and created space for big adventures during our 19-year partnership with him.
Harry was a planner, which helped him live a fulfilling life, but what basic knowledge could prepare us for the last two years of his life spent battling cancer? It wasn’t even prepared. These were some of the most difficult years my family and I have endured, but they also taught me the most about love, hope, and leadership.
As the leader of a global company that supports seniors through home care, I am used to helping caregivers and family members with losses, but losing Harry was a completely different experience. I hit rock bottom and learned a lot about how to show up and talk about grief.
Death and grief are inevitable in life, but we need to talk about it more in our industry. As awkward as it may be, the more we normalize conversations about death and grief, the better positioned we will be to support those around us who are affected by grief. Here’s what my experience has taught me:
Related: Grief and loss can severely impact your ability to work. Here’s how to create a workplace that supports those experiencing hardship.
Being vulnerable builds better relationships at work.
As the CEO of a fast-growing company, I was used to coming into work with a positive mindset to set the tone for my team. However, as I was going through Harry’s death and the most difficult challenge of my life, I decided not to hide what I was going through from my team. Instead, I showed up to work just as I was.
For me, the best way I could support my team and myself was to be honest about what I was going through. If something sad happened one day, I would let my colleagues know. I didn’t want to be too sensitive, so it was important for my team to feel comfortable including me in workplace conversations. If we expected transparency, we had to lead by example.
As I openly grieved, I realized that I had a deeper level of vulnerability, which made me feel more connected at work. The more open I was to the team, the easier it was to adjust.
Being vulnerable in the workplace has long been considered weakness or unprofessional, but sharing my grief with my team brought us even closer together. This has also given us a more personal understanding of how we can better care for our clients and the caregivers who continue to support them with their health challenges.
There’s a reason, the most cutting edge research Connect vulnerability to improved team performance and a stronger sense of trust and inclusion in your company culture.
By supporting the “whole person” at work, better results can be achieved.
After surviving one of the worst cards life threw at me, after Harry’s death I began to reevaluate what was important to me both in life and work.
Not only has my facade of putting my best self forward at work faded, but the conversations I have with my team have changed as well. I was always interested in my team as people, but I became acutely aware of our mortality and became even more focused on learning about their hopes and dreams. I did everything in my power to help my team and myself reach our true potential both personally and professionally.
When you have your heart broken and overcome the most difficult obstacle you have ever faced, you realize that you can overcome anything. Rather than focusing on rigid goals or results, we focused on what mattered most and trusted our ability to uncover the best results.
As we began to feel more focused and fulfilled in all aspects of our lives, we began to see incredible results. I started inviting people out for coffee or dinner with whom I wanted to build deeper connections. If I had to pick up her daughter from school, I finished work at 3pm without feeling guilty.
It’s amazing what kind of life you can create if you put the right energy and focus on it. By making room for our personal goals, we have grown even more professionally. Caregiver’s Net Promoter Score increased from his low 60s to his world-class 74, and turnover rates decreased significantly. Not only has there been a renewed focus on fun, balance, and achieving dreams, but we’ve also gained more autonomy in our work together.
Related: 6 ways grief can change your business and mindset
Conversations about death and grief at work become the norm.
Now, whenever I give a public speech, I always talk about Harry. It might make people uncomfortable at first, but then they always come up to me and thank me.
Normalizing conversations around death and grief creates space for people to heal, which in turn helps those who support them. In the workplace, we’re used to maintaining professional boundaries, and that’s healthy, but there are places within the workplace where conversations about death and grief can occur.
Dr. Brene Brown is widely known for her research on shame, vulnerability, and leadership. suggest clarity of intent Behind sharing vulnerable information, such as experiences of grief or death in the workplace.
For example, in our work, a family member or caregiver may be supporting someone with a terminal illness. Simply being aware of the conversations around death can lead to new ways to bring happiness and joy from every step of the journey to the end.
It’s been about three years since we lost Harry. This experience forever changed the way I live and live. I love what life was like when Harry was alive. And in many ways, my life is even more fulfilling now. Because I have a deeper understanding of how to live life. That’s the gift Harry gave me.
I hope that by creating a work culture where being open about grief is encouraged, my team can find more connection and support in the face of this unavoidable human experience.
Related: Being vulnerable is the boldest act in business leadership