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In 1992, when I was five years old, my parents fled the war in Somalia to start a new life in the United States.
I grew up in poverty, but witnessed my parents’ unwavering determination and perseverance despite hardships, and their example instilled in me a deep belief in the power of education and hard work.
While studying psychology in college, my daughter was born prematurely with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome and I was so inspired by the NICU nurses who cared for my daughter that I decided to pursue a career in nursing.
As the pandemic caused serious hardships, I decided to quit my job and pursue entrepreneurship full-time. I co-founded a healthcare startup with a fellow nurse in 2019, and it was incredibly rewarding work.
Then, in 2022, I was tested in ways I never imagined: I lost my job, my home, nearly everything I owned, along with all my deep relationships, my identity, and my sense of self.
At the height of my success I lost it all
My marriage to my partner of 20 years, my high school sweetheart, was strained by various challenges that tested our patience.
After receiving marriage counseling, I gained the strength and clarity to decide to file for divorce.
When the divorce proceedings began, I moved my daughter and myself in to live with my mother.
When my marriage was ending, I lost my job.
During this difficult time, my startup was growing rapidly and the pressure of imposter syndrome combined with the stress of my personal life was causing major disruptions to my work. After my divorce was finalized in September 2022, I was laid off from my startup.
These terrible losses shook me to my core. I was filled with feelings of inadequacy, regret, and deep shame, and I felt like a complete failure.
Some days it seemed impossible to even get out of bed. I was exhausted and often woke up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat from nightmares.
This vicious cycle left me feeling helpless and unable to see a way forward for myself and my daughter. I had no motivation to do anything – not to eat, not to go out, not to see anyone. I withdrew from the world. I felt alone, consumed by my own thoughts, and all I could do was cry.
The darkest moment for me was when I was sure my absence was beneficial to the people I love, I felt terrified and knew I had to change everything to break the cycle.
Taking small steps towards healing changed my trajectory
This turning point made me realize that I could no longer do it alone.
I turned to loved ones for emotional support and began therapy. I made small, intentional changes to help me feel more at ease. I took long walks. I went to the gym. I baked. I journaled and listened to self-written and recorded affirmations on repeat to quiet noisy, fearful thoughts and hear a different perspective.
It wasn’t a perfect, linear journey, and while I knew I needed time and space to grieve, it was a slow, painful process.
Eventually, I let go of the idea that I had to feel completely fulfilled within an impossible time frame, and that’s when things truly fell into place and subtle, incremental changes began to add up.
I lost everything, but in the end I gained so much more.
I don’t know if I’m completely healed, but I’m not in a dark place anymore. I still live at home with my mother and am slowly rebuilding my life for my daughter and I.
I applied to several part-time nursing positions at local hospitals so I could focus on my daughter, and I began developing ideas for a video podcast that would discuss nursing, entrepreneurship, burnout, mental health, therapy, and self-care.
I’m enjoying the little things again, like playing with makeup with my daughter. I’ve perfected my snickerdoodle recipe and found my faith again. I’m navigating life as a single mom. I finally feel like myself again, but in a fundamentally different way. In a good way.
Sharing my story has helped me connect with others and build a supportive community.
I first I shared my story on LinkedInIt was awkward to be vulnerable, but I knew I had to share it because the awkwardness I felt before clicking “post” was insignificant compared to the positive impact it could have on someone.
Soon after, the responses started pouring in. The most amazing and unexpected thing was that my story allowed me to connect with people all over the world.
If you’re feeling lost or alone, get help and get through it. It will get better. After the darkness comes the dawn.