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This essay is based on a conversation with Joe Merrett. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My son and daughter are now 21 and 18, but growing up they were always very close with their parents.
Mommy and Daddy were always there, playing with the kids and helping with babysitting, and it was lovely to see the bond they had.
My father has passed away, but my mother is still a grandmother and takes good care of my niece and nephew, who are 16 and 13 years old.
When my children have their own families, I want to be a grandmother who is just as active in raising them, but my financial situation means I have no savings, no pension, and a 20-year mortgage to pay off, so I have to work into my 70s.
I will not be there for my grandchildren when they are young and need me most. They will lose out, and so will I. Their parents will have to fend for themselves and shoulder the ever-increasing costs of raising them.
I was content to be the primary caretaker for my children
I got married in 1999 while working as a journalist in my native England, and became a full-time mum after my daughter was born in June 2003.
We were lucky, my ex-husband had a six-figure income, and I supplemented our income with a part-time job in PR.
I was happy to assume the primary caretaker role for our children, but my ex-husband started work at 1:30 a.m. and was catching up on sleep during the day, so I felt like a single mom.
So I was always super grateful when my parents would babysit me, it brought our family closer together and saved us money.
Then in 2018, when I was 45, I separated from my ex-husband. It was a difficult time emotionally and financially. I had been unemployed for 15 years and had no pension contributions.
People, especially women, talk about having a “fuck-off” fund, a separate savings fund to help you survive for a while if your financial situation suddenly changes. If something happens, like a divorce, retirement, or job loss.
Merrett said her daughter learned from her experience.
Courtesy of Joe Merrett
I had no savings because I thought our future was secure, and many of my friends who were my age and divorced are in the same situation.
I received some benefits from the government, especially during the pandemic, but it wasn’t enough. Between 2018 and 2021, I worked a variety of low-paid jobs, including teaching French to preschoolers, working in a nursery, and stock-stocking at a supermarket for less than minimum wage.
I counted the jobs I applied to – about 1,600. Even though I had a college degree, I think a lot of employers were put off by my extended career hiatus.
Then, in December 2021, I finally got a full-time job in the hospitality industry. I now work as a Charity Officer for a cancer charity. As a side job, Work as a speech coachI am open about the ups and downs of life, including my financial situation.
I have to work into my 70s rather than take care of my grandchildren.
However, my ex-husband stopped paying child support when my children turned 18. The divorce was finalized last year, but it wasn’t easy. We moved to a smaller home earlier this year after taking out a 20-year mortgage with our daughter.
I realized that unless I win the lottery, I will be tied to work until I’m at least 71. If I have grandchildren in the next 5 to 10 years, I will be a working grandma, too busy to have time for babysitting. I was shocked to realize that I would not be able to do what many grandparents do, and what my mother still does for my sister.
Other than that, I have a positive mindset. You can’t change the past. One good thing that came out of this experience is that my daughter told me it taught her wisdom and kindness. You never know what’s going to happen. She said she will never let her income go to waste to secure her financial future.
If you have an interesting story about childcare and the economy that you’d like to share with Business Insider, please submit the details below. jridley@businessinsider.com.